Panicky

She was panicky. Her heart was racing so fast that she was shaking. This really was the most inopportune time for one of her panic attacks. Yet, here she was, about to go into the most important interview of her career so far and she couldn’t handle the pressure.

Erica knew the history of the company. She knew about the business of the company. She knew about the competitors of the company. She even took the time to learn about the lives of the board members for the company. So she had no idea why she felt panicked and became increasingly preoccupied with these thoughts. Consequently, she did not hear the company president approach until she heard a female voice say, “Miss Lee, it is a pleasure to meet you. I hope you were not waiting too long. Please follow me. We’ll be joined by the vice president of marketing and the director of finance.” 

Still lost in her thoughts, Erica heard herself say, “I am glad to be here. I look forward to meeting your colleagues. “ Erica took a deep breath, her panic dissipating as she walked alongside the president.

“So why are you interested in working for our company?”

Panic started to rise again in Erica, but she took another deep breath before she spoke and relaxed a bit. “I’ve studied the economic trends in solar technology and the growth potential is exponential. I want to work for a small, but expanding company, whose vision is to make new technologies energy and cost efficient so that alternative forms of energy become as widespread as gas and fossil fuel driven power is today.”

At this point, Erica and the president arrived at the board room.

“Well, here we are.” And she opened the door to the board room, escorting Erica inside.

As if on command, Erica reached out her hand and shook the hands of the marketing vice president and director of finance. Once they all sat down, Erica reached into her briefcase and handed each of her interviewers a business card and resume.

After a few informalities were exchanged, the interview began.  “ So Erica, you are interviewing for the Marketing Assistant position with our company. Tell us about why you are qualified for this position . . .” Like reading from a playbook, Erica described her background, empathizing how her skills could benefit the company. She answered questions about her strengths and weaknesses. She even suggested some ideas for improving the company’s brand and marketing strategy.

However one question caught Erica off guard. “Give us an example of a time when you took initiative. Describe how you identified and solved the situation or problem and what the outcome was.” Erica’s face went red. Her pulse skyrocketed and she began to shake. The interviewers noticed this change.

“Miss Lee, are you all right?” Erica instantly became aware of her awkwardness.

Clearing her throat and breathing deeply, she replied, “Yes, yes—I’m fine.” Erica took a sip of water in front of her, before responding to the question.

Hours later, she still chastised herself for her reaction and subsequent response. She barely remembered what she said and the rest of the interview. She only had vague memories of weakly shaking the hands of the interview panel and the perfunctory promise to let her know about their decision within a week.

When more than a week went by and no response, her sense of hopelessness grew. She began to doubt her abilities and wondered whether she should change careers. After all, she was a bit of an introvert, she reasoned; marketing required a certain amount of social skills—her weakness. She began to research alternative careers and even visited her college’s career center for advice and ideas. Even with all this information, she remained undecided, yet determined to forge ahead.

As a result, she was caught off guard when the director of finance called during dinner one evening. “May I please speak with Miss Lee?” she asked in a cautious voice.

“Speaking” Erica replied, uncertain who it was at first.

“Good evening, Miss Lee. This is Sarah Linstadt from Solar Tech. How are you this evening?”

“Fine.  It is good to hear from you.” Erica replied, quickly recalling the marketing vice president’s name and face.

“Well, anyway, Miss Lee, the reason that I am calling is to offer you the marketing position, if you are still interested.”

Erica silently screamed for joy, but calmly replied, “Yes, I’m still interested. When would you like me to start?”

Just then, Erica realized that she had gotten ahead of herself. She knew that she should ask about salary and benefits, but decided that this was not something she wanted to address.

Fortunately, Sarah Linstadt answered her unspoken questions. “The starting salary is $20 per hour, with full benefits starting after 90 days.”

Erica knew she should think about the offer, sleep on it. Yet, she felt anxious that if she postponed the decision, it would evaporate, as so many other offers had.

Again, Sarah Linstadt spoke. “I understand that this offer is unexpected for you. I want you to think about it for at least 24 hours before you make a decision. Just let me know by next Monday, if you want the job.”

Erica took a deep breath of relief. She looked at the calendar on her wall. It was only Thursday. She had time to think; clearly, this was not one of those magically vanishing offers of the past. “Thank you. I will take the offer into serious consideration. Your company seems like the ideal place to work.”

That night, Erica dreamed about working at Solar Tech. As she entered the glass building, granite walls lined the corridor which led to the elevator. The security guard smiled at her. “Good morning” Erica cheerfully said.

Upon entering the 7th floor office, she was greeted with the same cheeriness. A few minutes later Ms. Linstadt met her at the front of the office. “Good morning, Erica. I am so glad that you decided to join our company. Let me show you to your work space.”

They exchanged pleasantries as they walked to Erica’s cubicle near the back of the office. “So I hope you are ready to get down to work. I want you to attend the department meeting this morning, so you can learn about some of our current marketing campaigns and contribute your ideas.”

Erica beamed. She had finally found a job where she was going to be a valuable part of the company. She felt important.

The next morning, Erica awoke, blinking her eyes twice. Images of last night’s dream flashed across her memory. She knew what she was going to do.

After breakfast, she picked up the phone and dialed the phone number that Sarah Linstadt had given her. The phone rang twice before Sarah answered. “Hello, Ms. Lee, so glad to hear from you. Did you decide to take the position?”

“Yes, I would like to work for your company. When does the position start?”

“What about today?”

“Today? That is short notice. How about tomorrow?”

“Well, there’s an important meeting this afternoon that I’d like you to attend. Do you think you could make it here by 11am and stay for the meeting. That will give you a chance to get acquainted with other members of the marketing team.”

“Yes, I can do that.” Erica hung up the phone, excited and nervous at the same time.

She arrived at the glass building with the granite lined corridor, ten minutes early, just as she had dreamed. She took the elevator up to the 7th floor, her heart pounding with anticipation. She desperately wanted to make a good impression on her first day. Dressed to impress, she wore a black suit with a white blouse and stylish pumps. Briefcase in hand, she entered the office. Expecting to be greeted by her new colleagues, she was disappointed to find no one waiting to meet her. She waited several minutes before walking through the office, until she came to an empty gray lined cubicle. A short note sat on the desk addressed to her:

“Erica, please meet us in the board room at 11:30am for the meeting.”

-S.

Erica looked at her watch. It was only 11:00am now. What was she supposed to do for a half hour and no computer. She slumped down in the black swivel chair. Since no one was going to show her around, she decided to take some time and tour the office. There was no better time than now to know where the facilities were located.

A few minutes later, she sat down in the ladies’ room, panic starting to fill her chest. Something was wrong with this picture. Why had no one met her at the front. Why was there no computer set up for her.  She started to shake, panic consumed her. What was she doing here. Something was not right. As tears welled up in her eyes, she made a decision. She would quit. She was going home.

Erica walked back to the empty cubicle, opening all the desk drawers until she found a single sheet of paper and scrawled the following:

“I changed my mind. I can’t do this. Sorry.”

-E.

She picked up her overcoat and walked out the front door. As the office door swung shut, she didn’t look back, convinced that she had made the right decision.

It was only later that day that she questioned her impulsive decision and almost picked up the phone to apologize and plead for her job back. But she never did. Her panicky nature had once again squandered her opportunity to advance her career.